20 Things I Probably Maybe…Definitely Should Stop Doing
1) Updating my Facebook status more frequently than I breath.
*Note to self (and everyone else on facebook) NO ONE CARES! *
2) Blatantly staring at strangers so hard that they convince themselves they know me in order to feel less violated by my penetrating eyes…
3) Admitting unusually awkward facts about myself that undoubtedly make me seem creepy…and potentially dangerous
(see #2)
4) Creeping on other people’s puppies like it’s my J.O
5) Going at least 20 mph over the speed limit then slamming on the breaks RIGHT IN FRONT of a
cop…not an effective move
6) Screening my phone calls….wait no…I’ll never stop doing that…
7) Incorporating unnecessarily crass language into everyday casual interactions with people who I’m unfamiliar with…a.k.a accidentally asking the waitress at a breakfast place if I could “just have a fucking bagel” instead of an english muffin…true class right there….
8) Being myself in front of people who just HAD THE PLEASURE of making my acquaintance (this sounds sad but trust me…cracking a joke about stalking someone and following them home is no way to make friends…I know this from experience)
9) People watching and eavesdropping….wait no…I’ll never stop doing that either…
10) Picking my nose…ok that one is a joke…
11) Making lame jokes (Exhibit A: #10)
12) Saying “hot as balls” in front of my parents and their friends
13) Using the phrase “that’s legit” when I have nothing better to say in response to someone…especially when what they say is not…in fact…legit.
14) Listening to Christmas music year-round….wait no…I’ll DEFINITELY never stop doing that…
15) Dancing behind strangers when their backs are turned
(I’m ashamed that I ever found this particular activity amusing)
16) Misspelling the SHIT out of every word in the English language
17) Referring to the parking attendant at this one lot in downtown Columbus as my friend…she's not really my friend...she thinks I’m crazy….
18) Being oddly obsessed with Justin Bieber…STOP IT KRISTA…he’s a child!
19) Mistaking every flash of light for the blinker on my blackberry then rushing to my phone to look for a text or e-mail or bbm that doesn’t exist
20) Not paying attention in class and missing out on tips and clues for the final exam…which just happened as I was writing this...shit….
